RE: My Therapeutic Recap/Timeline of My Dad’s Passing
Many close friends shared how touching the following writings were for them to read, and in many cases deal with their own personal losses a little bit better.
Prior to me heading to calling hours today for my Dad, I wanted to post my therapeutic writing that helped me greatly in dealing with the quick loss of my father.
Tomorrow when I speak at his Memorial Service I will also let people know about this being here, so my Dad’s friends and family will get an understanding of how the events unfolded from Friday to Sunday in hopes it will help them deal with the loss of their friend as well.
Below are my personal healing writings that I shared with close friends as the events unfolded from last Friday to Sunday. If you feel moved to leave a comment, please do so. They will all be read and greatly appreciated.
(Please note: Your comment won’t post immediately as I have to approve them, so if you post one and don’t see it immediately don’t worry, just check back in 12-24 hours or so and it will be there.)
Rest in peace Dad! I will always love and miss you and lead on the legacy you have passed on to me. Thank you for everything!
Make Today Great & God Bless!
Tom Beal
PS – Heard this song for the 1st time as I was pulling out of the Funeral Home and feel it summarizes my and many of my Dad’s friends feelings at this time: Cryin’ For Me by Toby Keith
PPS – If you are a friend from Victor, NY, PLEASE click on and educate yourself about the cancer research the government has been doing for over 20 years in Victor as a result of high percentages of cancer in younger people from there. I just found out about this after living there most of my life and it’s ironic that the map they show does covers near where my Mom and Dad both grew up and they’re both dead now of cancer at 52 and 56. I’m not blaming or looking for an excuse I’m just trying to educate others in the area as I never knew of this and chances are you may not have either.
http://www.victorny.org/Data/Documents/Town/Modock/MdkSpgs2009/victormodockcancersum.pdf
———- Forwarded message ———-
From: Tom Beal
Please say a prayer for my Dad and family this weekend. Thanks!
Wrote this for a little bit of personal healing in dealing with this
situation and to share with you what’s happening with my
fathers health.
For those that recall, I lost my mother to cancer at 52 two
years ago, and now my Dad is in this battle at 57.
Summary of my Dad’s condition:
1) He has a growth on his lung which metastasized and
spread to his liver where there are several growths.
2) His liver has a blockage and is accumulating a bile
buildup which has his stomach bloated.
3) He’s lost a large amount of weight in the past 2 weeks.
My guess is 30-40 pounds.
For those of you who have unfortunately witnessed a friend
or family member go through cancer you would recognize
the skeleton thin cancer look. I recall it from my mom and
it is hard to witness a loved one whither away and suffer
before your eyes.
Today (Friday, Dec 4th) he had a liver biopsy and we
will await the results which will share what type and
stage the cancer is which will give us an estimated
timeline for us and the doctors can recommend
treatment options.
During the biopsy today they also attempted to place a
tube in the liver to drain this excess bile but were not
able to do so, and we are waiting to hear what a next
step is in regards to that buildup. They may try the
tube again tomorrow. We’ll see.
I feel extremely fortunate that I was able to be there
with him this entire afternoon and support him during
this difficult day. Was there as they wheeled him into
the operation and was there right after he came out…
although he was high as a kite by then from the
anesthesia. 
The doctor told me that from what he is seeing, this will
most likely not be a case where my dad would go into
remission and get back to a long normal life. He said
it is quite serious and it is literally only a matter of time
that he has left and he’ll know more after getting the
biopsy results.
On a positive note, I called my mom’s mom who also
has lung & liver cancer and has been on chemotherapy
for several months now and had regained the weight
she lost and is feeling quite well actually.
She said she’ll be happy to talk with my Dad about this
and share some keys and tips she has learned during
this battle. She says attitude is a huge key and it’s vital
to regaining health. This is my dads former mother-in-law
so whether or not he calls her is still to be determined.
I’m hopeful that he’ll pull through this. The doctor said he’ll
most likely be out of the hospital by early next week, and
by then will have some recommended treatment options
he can choose to move forward with.
The Doc basically asked my Dad if he’d rather spend his
remaining time in the hospital or at home. Dad said home.
Doc said he should regain some appetite and eat tomorrow
plus with the fluids in him from the IV should start to gain
more energy in preparation to head home early in the week.
When my dad 1st heard this news of the growths and possible
lung & liver cancer he was understandably terribly upset and
I’d say had more of a ‘throw the towel in’ attitude as if this
was it, BUT today he told me he’ll fight this thing.
“I’ll fight this thing! What else am I going to do!”
That transition there gave me hope that he will fight this,
take the proper steps and hopefully live as pain free as
possible for months if not years to come.
I’m hopeful and would be very appreciative of your thoughts
and prayers for my dad and our family during this difficult time.
Appreciate you all for listening and for your thoughts and prayers!
Make Today Great!
Tom
PS – Don’t forget to call your Mom, Dad, and family and friends
that you still have around and tell them you love them! Most all
of us have someone we’d like to reach out to who is no longer
around.
There’s no time like the present! Do it now, do it now, do it NOW!
———- Forwarded message ———-
From: Tom Beal
Thanks Guys! Much appreciated.
Today was another tough day, but we’re taking them
on one at a time.
Brought my kids (7 yr old son & 4 year old daughter) in
to see their grandpa. They said “Hi Grandpa!”, but he
wasn’t able to respond. We only kept kids in there long
enough to say Hi and hang out for a minute, then
Christina took them down the hall to a play room.
They had a few questions about why he wasn’t able to
talk, and if he got sick from not wearing a jacket when
outside in the cold, and who’s fixing the cars if grandpa
is here in the hospital (he runs an auto repair shop).
Answered their questions, hung out in playroom for a
bit then came back in to say, “Goodbye and we’ll see
you soon grandpa.” He smiled a little but couldn’t speak.
Hardest part is when new people come in to see him
and just can’t help but breakdown and cry when they
see him in the shape he’s in (which is real hard not
to join in on).
Two of his old wrestlers from when he coached a local
high school team in the early ’90’s came in and one is
a tough NY State Trooper now of 10 years and he just
broke down when he saw my dad. (Tearing up just thinking
about it. Sad moment.)
Was great they came in though and shared how much
of an impact he had on them and their lives. He wasn’t
able to respond but I hope he heard their kind words.
Will keep you posted on this. Keep on truckin!
Tom
———- Forwarded message ———-
From: Tom Beal
Sad to report the following update, guys. My Dad passed
away today at 6pm Eastern. As I said in my original PS,
don’t take this life thing or the people close to you for
granted. This was not even known about until Thanksgiving
weekend and he’s already gone. Talk about a Holy Shit
wake up call for us to make the most of the limited time
we have here.
Here’s a quote from Jim Rohn I heard today on way to see
my Dad.
“Time is more valuable than money. You can always get more
money but unfortunately we can’t get any more time. Invest
your time wisely!” – Jim Rohn
RIP Thomas Joseph Beal 1952-2009
written by Thomas Harley Beal, his son.
A therapeutic summary of my Dad’s passing sent only to close
friends.
Thank you all for your kind words, support, love, friendship and
awesome words of wisdom and advice. It means so much to
me and is greatly appreciated.
It is with tremendous sadness that I report my Dad lost his battle
with cancer this evening (Sunday, Dec. 6, 2009) around 6pm Eastern.
Received a call from my Aunt this morning saying he took a turn
for the worse and his kidneys were shutting down and the doctors
said that he probably would only have a day or two at this point.
On weekends that I have my kids they’re supposed to be home
to their mothers by 6pm on Sundays but this afternoon I just had
a feeling that wouldn’t give me enough time to go see my Dad.
I called their mother and asked if it was okay if I dropped them
off a few hours early so I could go see my Dad since his time
was running short. She agreed, and I dropped them off around
3:30 and made the hour drive to the hospital.
The moment I peaked into the room I knew it wasn’t good at all.
My Dad had the same look and breathing that my mother had
two short years ago just prior to her passing.
I immediately asked the nurse if the doctor was available to
fill me in on what is happening and why the sudden & drastic
downturn in my fathers condition.
The doctor came shortly and told me that the reason they
weren’t able to drain the excess Bile from the liver two
days ago with the tube is because my Dad’s liver was
almost a complete mass of cancer.
With the liver basically not functioning it caused other systems
to fail in his body, namely his kidneys which in essence had
shut down.
They were pumping his body with fluids but his kidneys not
working would not let the fluids drain and added more complications
and he was on morphine due to the intense pain.
They told me he could hear but would not be able to talk or
open his eyes.
I asked everyone to leave the room so I could have time
with my father and they did.
I placed my hand on his shoulder and began the last conversation
with him.
Here’s a summary of what was said:
=> I love you so much and know you love me.
=> Thankful for all the good times we were able to share. Wrestling, camping, etc.
=> Glad we had that talk at his house the other day. (He was in pain but we shared some great things.)
=> You mentioned you wished you were a better Father. You were an awesome father and exactly who and what I needed you to be to get me to where I am today. Thank you for everything! You made me. Without you I wouldn’t be.
=> I forgive you for everything, even the things I’m not sure of that you may think I would have to forgive you for. You are completely forgiven.
(his arms were moving up trying to grab my hand that was on his shoulder and his mouth was moving as it appeared he was trying to say something)
=> (grabbed & held his hand that was reaching towards mine) I know you’re probably trying to tell me something and you’re not able. My guess is that you’re telling me how much you love me, how proud you are of me, and how sorry you are for some things.
=> Just know that I know you love me with all of your heart. You were there for me when I needed you and I thank you for that. I know you’re proud of me because you’ve told me that many times. I know you’re sorry for some things. Shoot, I’m sorry for a lot of things that I’ve done or said too, but through it all I know you love me and you know I love you.
(here’s where I told him it was okay to go home)
=> At the house the other day you told me this is it and you’ll wait for me on the other side. But then two days ago you told me you’ll fight this thing.
=> No one knows better than me that you’re a man of your word and I know you’re fighting this right now because you told me you would. At that time we didn’t know this was as progressed as it is and the pain that you’d be in from it.
=> I want you to know that I know and we all know that it’s okay for you to go home. We won’t feel you’re a quitter at all.
Matter of fact, you win, because you can leave all this pain behind and go home and wait for me. Your Dad is there waiting for you just as I know you’ll be there waiting for me.
=> I love you Dad, my kids your grandchildren love you, we’ll miss you but I’ll make sure they know about how great of a Dad you were to me, and how much you loved them. You will be missed and you’ll always be loved.
=> It’s okay. You’re going to a better place, you’ve lived a great life, and left a great legacy. Your friends and family will always miss you and love you.
=> I love you Dad and will miss you always. Thank you for all you’ve done for me. Like you told me, I’ll see you on the other side. I know you’ll be watching over me and waiting for me. Go home Dad! I love you and I’ll see you soon, as these bodies are only temporary. Before you know it we’ll see each other again.
Throughout this 1/2 hour long talk alone with my Dad his arms would move towards my hand on his shoulder, his mouth would move but no words would come out, and he was fighting for each and every breath.
Told him I had to go blow my nose and I’d be back shortly. Few minutes later a former wrestler he coached came running down crying and he couldn’t talk but he pointed at me and the room.
I ran to the room and my Dad had stopped breathing and his eyes were wide open. Came in, put my hand on his shoulder as his girlfriend, ex-wife, his sister, and I stood there crying. He took a gasp, then a long pause, then another gasp, the nurse came in, saw this repeat a couple more times, then declared him dead at around 6pm.
How I feel now. 1st: grateful that I was able to make it there to see him and have that talk with him, 2nd: sad as hell as this happened so quickly and just like my Mom’s passing thought he’d pull through this. 3rd: determined to not let a day pass without making progress towards a goal and vision as I/we only have so many days left and sooner than I’d/we’d want there will be a time where we’ll be taking that last breath.
If you’re reading this you’re a dear friend. Thank you for being there for me and I hope I will be able to be there for you in your time of need. Please don’t hesitate to reach out to me if I can ever be of any assistance.
Make Today Great!
Tom
